Mind Your Peas and Ques … and the other letters that flow from your mouth

What You SayTeam Martina shared this quote and it really got me thinking. It popped up while I was mindfully preparing a message for my church family. There have been words circling there and in the community over a grievous course of actions. People are imperfect, pastors included. My message was less about his failing and more about the ripple effects of the grief it caused.

Unchecked grief is never good grief.

We’re meant to learn from grief; it’s a tool to help us move forward in life. From the words circling about, I knew some had not been able to move forward. Sadness. Confusion. Anger. Frustration. It is all part of grief. Without paying mind to the peas and ques, it’s easy to lose sight of the fact that “happiness” plays a part in grief too. When we can find the lessons and celebrate the gems, moving forward comes easier. Happiness returns.

It’s true. “What Susie says of Sally says more of Susie than of Sally.” Remember that. Minding our “Ps and Qs” goes beyond remembering to say your “pleases” and “thank-yous”; the Q in thank you should serve as a Que: don’t forget the other letters! Those letters comprise our words to and about others. Those letters paint a picture of our circumstances and everyday experiences.

A case in point was published by The Caregiver Space, eloquently noted: “No two people are going to have identical experience or challenges. I know people in my home area who are struggling with bigger issues than I face. I also know people who assure me their load is lighter than mine.” If we’re minding our Ps and Qs, then words of encouragement, kindness, love, and gentle honesty will naturally flow from our mouths and fingers. “We’re all hurting … We’re all tired,” Allison Powell wrote in closing her ‘caregiver’ article.

Unchecked grief is never good grief.

Grief is good. It leads us to a place of healing. Life will – sooner or later – hand us difficulties and challenges that are beyond our control. We are not sufficient on our own. We are wired to grieve. We are also wired to heal and give back. I believe God also wired us to be in community with others, shoulder one another’s burdens, and celebrate one another’s gifts. In bringing my church family together with the new pastors, we candidly faced the pain of disappointment, prayed for healing and truth, and embraced the gems that remain. In essence, we created a wall of hope with the “letters” of grief. Let us choose to not be the Susie. Let’s choose to prayerfully and lovingly hold up Sally. Choose to be a reflection of hope — people need to see that in you.
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5 thoughts on “Mind Your Peas and Ques … and the other letters that flow from your mouth”

  1. Hi, my name is Rena and I was talking to Mike Good today and he was telling me about you and your blog. Beautifully written post. I look forward to getting to know you better.

    1. Rena, It’s great to meet you! Thanks for the feedback. I’m happy to know Mike referred you! He’s such a “good” guy! 😉

  2. Rena, It’s great to meet you! Thanks for the feedback. I’m happy to know Mike referred you! He’s such a “good” guy! 😉

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